mistakes
by Leitha
Summary: Selphie's been having the time of her life but her worst fears come true... has she lost Zell forever?*chapter 7 up!*
1. Default Chapter

Summary: not long after becoming SeeD's and sharing a whole bunch of team and friendship building experiences; Zell, Selphie and Squall have finally had to come to terms with the unthinkable. They are each going to go their separate ways on their own missions, relying purely on their own strength, instinct and being their only friend. Squall, or course is used to this life, but after spending time with the hyper and friendly SeeD's like Zell, how is he going to cope with being a lone wolf once again?  
  
Key:  
note: {note}  
speech: "word"   
thought: (thought)  
  
*a/n: I would like to let everyone know that the only thing i own is myself and my rights to express myself. this is only my second fic, and my first FF8 fic so i would appreciate anything good you would like to tell me!*  
  
*chapter one*  
  
  
  
Squall Leonhart sat in the corner of the "Floor two classroom" waiting for his fellow SeeD's, Selphie Tilmitt and Zell Dincht. After ages of self denial and closing himself off from the world, he finally allowed himself to realise that there were people that actually really wanted to be his friends. He realised he wanted them to be his friends too. Squall pulled out his Gunblade and began to polish it half heartedly with the edge of his jacket. (any second now.....)   
"HI SQUALL! Sorry I'm late... Tee hee. I was a little held up!" Screamed Selphie who burst in the door, wearing her typical yellow dress and knee high boots.  
"Hi Selph... You got your letter from Cid?" He asked her, in his usual quiet and reserved manner.  
"Of course. But i'm waiting for Zell to get here so we can open them TOGETHER SILLY!"Selphie laughed, dancing around.  
Squall pulled a white envelope from his pocket. He ran his finger over the smooth surface.   
"I can't wait any-" he began, but was intterupted by Zell running into the room.  
"Sorry... I was Just... waiting for-"  
"Hotdogs"said Squall and Selpie together.  
Zell nodded and turned around vigouously to close the door. He accidentally bashed his usually armoured hand on the metal door.  
"Ahh... BLOODY HELL!!!!"  
The other two ignored this.  
"ANY LUCK WITH THE HOTDOGS?" Selphie yelled over his mild swearing.  
"No..."He said calming down a little. "Damn...... Seifer... He held me up!   
Squall shook his head. "Ok.. The letters."  
Zell and Selph sat opposite him and pulled out identical white envelopes.  
They nodded and pulled out a their letters, which were all started out the same  
  
"Dear SeeDs,  
Your councellors and I have decided that you are ready for your latest mission... { Whoops and cheers from Zell and Selphie. Squall reads a bit before continuing.}  
However, we have come to a conclusion that because of the seriousness of the situation plus the fact that each of you are strong and clever enough to handle your own... mission... we will spread you all out. Therefore all seeds will be posted to different locations. I would like to note that this is an entirely serious mission and any mistakes or underestimation may be fatal - Headmaster Cid."   
  
Squall didn't need to look up to know that Zell would have hung his head, clenched his fists and started shaking, and that Selphie would be giving the floor adorable and sad puppy dog eyes.   
"It's not fair guys. you're my friends." She said, getting a bit sobby before starting to cry.  
Squall sighed and continued to read.  
"Below are the Listings of the Postings:  
  
Squall: Tomorrow, at 600 hours, you will take the Garden Car with Zell to Balamb. At 800 hours Zell will be taking a Boat to Dollet, which will arrive at the destination at 830 hours. You are to join with the Garden there to train new comers until futher notice of your mission. At 810 hours Squall will take a Train to Timber, he is to join up with "Forest Fox" resistance. Futher details will be provided. It has been decided that the day after, Selphie is to go to Delving City, at 730 hours to help their young candidates .... During that time you will be notified of a new destination. The afore mentioned SeeDs have free time until their departure. If you have any questions feel free to ask me before 500 hours tomorrow."  
  
He folded the letter and placed it back in his backet. He was feeling a whole range of new emotions. {Why do I mind being alone so much? What is going on?}   
"I... uh..... have to go!" he stood up in a hurry and ran off.   
Selphie ran after him. Zell stayed behind, looking very forlorn.   
  
Squall sat on the edge of the fountain. He sighed again and looked at his watch, reflecting the water. "0000 hours...." Selphie walked over to him and he immediately.   
"Hi Squall." she chirped almost normallty. He said nothing and looked at the water.   
"C'mon Squall, you can talk to me"she said gently, touching his arm.   
He pulled it away and stayed silent.  
Selphie stood up. "fine. I'll talk to Zell. He appreciates me as a friend." She tossed her hair and stalked off.   
{Oh Selph.....I don't want you to leave me......}   
He stood and on a sudden instinct, walked off slowly to the training room  
  
Selphie had absent mindedly walked down a corridor and could hear faint noises inside the training room. She peered inside. Zell was giving a punching bad everything he had, oblivious to her and any other distraction that could be there. Beads of sweat were forming on his face and naked chest and arms and rolling down before soaking up in the waist of his jeans. He yelled and drop kicked the bag which exploded into cinders and fell, dilapidated to the floor. Selphie hid behind a pile of boxes. Zell grabbed a towel and dried himself off before falling to his knees in exhaustion. Selphie jumped out of her hiding place.   
"Oh Zell!" she cried running over to him  
He stood up and leaned on his knees. "s.. S'up selph?"  
"Oh... Nothing. Er... I just yeah... Just came now to get some quiet...." she stammered.  
Zell stretched. "sure you're ok girl?" He asked her, tilting his head, eyebrows raised.  
Selphie couldn't help it. She burst into tears. "no..."  
  
Zell had never really been the affectionate type but Selphie Tilmitt, his long time friend, lookes unusually pathetic standing their sobbing. In a sudden impulsive movement he walked over to her and wrapped his strong arms around her in a firm hug, trying to reassure her even though he wasn't too sure of everything himself.   
"we'll all be ok Selph...." He said softly.  
Selphie was pretty surprised at this sudden outburst of affection, but she found herself even enjoying him holding her.  
After the heavy workout, his body simply radiated heat and tiredness, and his grief at the news was also felt pouring off him in waves.  
For a few minuets time stood still and Selphie felt like their was no one else in the world. She sighed, a bit louder than she had intended to.  
Zell loosened his hold on her.   
"Are you ok?? Do.. dyou want me to let go?"he asked her, concerned.  
Selphie's heart was beating a lot quicker as she gazed up into his lovely green blue eyes.  
{what is this strange feeling?}  
"No." she said softly.  
Their heads inched together slowly and selphie could feel his heart pounding too. Suddenly the door flew open and they tried to look like nothing was going on. It was squall.  
"Um... Hi."said Selphie trying to look cheerful.  
Squall looked around suspiciously. That's when he noticed that Zell's hand was resting on the back of Selphies neck and Selphie still had her arms partly wrapped around Zell's waist.  
A hot wave of irrational jealousy swept through his body.  
"Er... I'm just off to bed ok...... I have a long day tomorrow." He turned and walked away.  
Zell and Selphie turned to face each other. "dyou think he noticed?"Zell asked breathlessly.   
Selphie shook her head fervently.  
  
Squall lay in his bed, not able to sleep. It was now 100 hours, the next day. He had left his door open a sinch to see when Selphie came back to her dorm. There........ he could see a small crack of light and could hear voices......  
  
"Thank you for walking me back... You didn't have to" said a voice.. Selphie....  
"No.... It's ok. I wanted to...." A male voice. Zell! {the jerk!}  
"I'll be there to see you go tomorrow..."she sounded mournful.  
"It's too early Selph... You need your rest ok?"  
"I don't care Mr. Know-It-all-zell, I want to be the last person to see you go..."  
"Ok, Fine......... Hell, It's up to you. But i know how you are so i won't be worried if you don't show ok?  
"K.... Goonight......"  
(there was a pause of about 5 seconds)  
  
"Night Selph......"  
  
That night No one could sleep. Selphie lay on top of her covers in her pj's staring at the ceiling. She was very very confused. She shifted onto her side, staring at a picture that Quistis had taken ages ago of Zell and herself after they had become SeeDs, at the celebration ball. Before ,She could just look at the picture and see a picture, and remember how much fun she had, but now?... Selphie felt all warm and fuzzy. {What am I feeling?I had always thought I have been slightly attached to Squall.....}   
"This is too complicated.... Oh no."  
Selphie suddenly grabbed her neck.  
"oh no.... My necklace must have come off when..."  
Selphie felt all faint for a few moments.   
{stop thinking about him Selph!!!!}  
She got up, pulled on a jumper and some jeans over her tank top and boxers, and went back to the training room.  
  
It was even darker now that most of the lights had been extinguished. Selphie shivered as she walked into the mainly forested area. "It's Kinda Nice..." she said softly to herself. All the monsters were locked away after 1200 so it looked like a bit of a woodland in timber or something. She turned down a narrow track and went to sit under a large tree. There was a large "CRACK!" and a "Look OUT!" Selphie instinctively closed her eyes and felt someone tackle her out of the way. They broke her fall and landed with a thud.   
"ahhhh...."   
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"Selphie"  
  
" Zell?"  
  
She opened her eyes.   
  
"That's... me."  
  
  
That warm fuzzy feeling inside Selphie started to kick in again. They realised what was happening and stood up embarrassed.   
"I thought you had gone back to your dorm..." Selphie said, not looking Zell in the eye.   
"I was going to..... But i couldn't sleep..."  
"n-neither could I.... I came to look for my necklace." She said staring at the ground.  
  
There was a few seconds, then Zell took her hand and closed it around something cold.   
"My Necklace! You found it!"  
"Yes. Here, I'll do it up for you."  
She stood still as he reached around her neck and fastened the clip while gazing into her eyes. He brushed his hand gently against her cheek and stood, still staring into her Blue eyes. Selphie couldn't take it anymore.  
"Zell, I......"  
She didn't get to finish her sentence because Zell had taken her in his arms and kissed her. When they broke apart, their heads still together, Selphie was breathless.  
  
Without really knowing why Selphie broke out of his embrace,  
"I.... Have to go...." she stuttered before breaking into a run  
She heard Zell call her a few times.  
"SELPHIE?! WHY? Please... come back."   
  
By the time she was back to her dorm she was crying helplessly. All she could here were her footfalls and the Echoes of Zell's words in her head.  
"SELPHIE?! WHY? Comeback.....please."  
Over and over. She threw herself onto her bed, sobbing.  
Squall had heard her crying from his room and had gotten up to see what was wrong.  
"Go Away Zell...."she mumbled when Squall walked in.  
"It's me Selph.. What's wrong??" He asked her, a bit un characteristically.  
Selphie turned around and sat up. She took a few deep breaths.  
"H-He Kissed Me..." she whispered.  
That felt like a kick in the guts for Squall.  
"That's It! Im going to wring his scrawny NECK the next time I see him!! I mean How could he do that to you? Just going and kissing you when you didn't want him to-" He began...  
"No Squall, I wanted him to Kiss me. I kissed him back...... It's just.... Nevermind."  
Selphie felt a fool. Now, after she had thought it over, realised there no reason to why she had ran from his arms.  
"You should go and sleep. Goodnight Squall."  
He left, feeling like his heart had been ripped out.  
  
The next morning Selphie got up early, although tired, so she would be able to see Zell leave and explain why she had ran. She brushed her hair around 50000 times and put on lipgloss and mascara. She decided to wear some blue jeans and a white jacket. She ran eagerly to the cafeteria. {It's 5.50, i'll be just in time.}  
She stopped short at the door. There was just Squall, who was rather pale and another Seed  
"Where's Zell?" She asked, a bit panicky.  
Squall passed her a note without speaking.  
  
"Dear Squall,  
I'm sorry but I won't be going to Balamb with you.  
Something happened last night, and i need to clear my head  
so I switched with Vida. He was going to go to the desert, at two thirty, to directly start fighting. Now I am. He's taking my place. When you start reading this,  
I will already be fighting. Be careful Squall.... take care of   
Selphie...... from - Zell Dincht."  
  
Selphie dropped the note. The desert...... She fainted. 


	2. Selphies pov

When Selphie woke up, it was dark, and she knew she was in the infirmary by the lights flashing on the various monitors and machines. Then the memories flooded back. Dr.W (sorry. Hers is a name i just CANT remember...) came over to her seeing she was awake. "Selphie. You hit your head pretty hard... Feeling ok?"  
She thought for a moment.   
" Yes. I'm ... Fine"   
Dr.W took her pulse and checked her reflexes.  
" Yes, Yes. Everything is in order. Although... you seem to have suffered from a bit of shock...."   
Selphie looked down.   
"Oh... It's just something i heard.."   
Saying it to herself hurt too much.  
Dr.W sighed.  
" well if you're not going to tell me i won't beg you. However i'm guessing that it concerns that Dincht boy who's gone away?"   
Selphie shook her head but tears welled up in her blue eyes.  
" If you say so. Headmaster Cid says that you can help around at Garden for awhile. You are basically okay but you landed hand and broke your wrist so the open world is a bit too dangerous for you. It should be healed in around a month."   
Selphie nodded, noticing her bandaged wrist for the first time, and the doctor left her to sleep.  
  
The next evening, after being cleared of any other injuries, Selphie was allowed to go. Everything seemed a lot more interesting and colorful now that she was outside the infirmary. Selphie felt a bit hungry and decided to head off to the cafeteria for a Hotdog or something. A few people openly stared at her arm and giggled loudly. She expected that practically everyone knew now about her fainting and the reason why. Selphie just scowled. She was eternally relieved to see some old friends sitting at a table. They weren't staring obviously at her arm, or making fun of her. They were just happy to see her. and goodness knows she was equally if not more happy to see them.  
  
Selphie smiled for the first time since she had found out that Zell had gone, and ran over to them. There was Rinoa, the General Caraway's daugher, Leader of a resistance group in timber. She hadn't changed much since the last time that Selphie had seen her. And then Quistis Trepe, an instructor, who was only a year older than her. Quistis' appearance was often strict and collected, but by now Selphie definitely knew better. Selphie was given huuuge hugs by the both of them and they asked how she was.  
  
Selphie sat down. "I don't know how i am. There's nothing I can do about it anyway. I can't make him come back... I bet... I bet he's having a blast with all the fighting."  
Selphie had seen before how things were in the Desert during wars and they weren't pretty.  
She tried desperately to make herself believe her own words, but she couldn't. She knew that Zell was probably lying in a trench, cold, tired,hungry, grimy and scared for his own life. Selphie couldn't help it. A tear slipped slowly from her eye and left a salty trail down her cheeks before it was followed by another.... and another..... she was glad that Rinoa, Quistis and herself were the only people in the caferteria. Rinoa moved her chair near Selphie's and gave her another hug. There was a beep and after a few seconds they heard Quistis lightly slap herself on the forehead.  
"i'm honestly sorry, but i've just been paged to report to the classroom. Something's up."  
She gave Selphie a hug and waved quickly to Rinoa before dashing off.   
Rinoa stared after her. "D'you wanna go for a walk Selph?"  
She nodded.  
  
It was beautiful in the Quad and a nice teacher had let Rinoa and Selphie in despite the curfew. {The teacher probably even knows....}  
They walked down to the lowest level of the quad and sat down.   
"It's not fair Selphie.. i know...We're all sad that Zell is gone."  
Rinoa patted Selphie's arm sympathetically.  
"But You know." she continued in a cheerier tone.  
"Irvine will be back in two days. Think how great that'll be. I bet you'll love that!" she said.  
Selphie stared at her in complete and utter disbelief and confusion.  
"You don't understand... you really don't understand....."  
She bowed her head trying not to cry again.  
"c'mon Selph... we all miss him...-" Rinoa was interrupted by Selphie.  
"AND I LOVE HIM!!!" she yelled, tears running down her cheeks. Her words echoed off the walls several times until all you could hear was Selphie's hopeless sobbing.  
  
Rinoa was silent and thoughtful. Eventually when Selphie had calmed down she spoke in a timid and teary voice.  
"You... should.... have told us Selph. He loves you too. He always has... Ever since you guys met on the SeeD exams..."  
Selphie was shocked. "But... Amber?"  
Rinoa laughed weakly and sniffed. "He never liked her... She just thought he did.."  
Selphie stared at a water fountain....   
{It all makes sense now....}  
"Why didn't he tell me?" she sobbed.  
Rinoa paused before answering carefully.  
"he.... He heard Irvine talking to you on the train... about...something..."  
"Oh no..."   
"Exactly... Oh look at the time. We need to go back to our dorms. We're gonna have a big day tommorrow......"  
  
***  
  
Selphie sat on her bed, staring out the open window. A cool breeze blew back her light brown hair. Selphie closed her eyes, lifted her arms into the air and let the wind take her over. It whistled around the room before going back though the window. Selphie took a deep breath of the clean air. She opened her eyes and stared into the starlit sky.   
"If you can hear me Zell... I love you... I promise....."   
She sighed and got into bed, pulling the covers around her tightly.  
She kept the windows open.  
"Bring...me..back...a...message....."  
She fell asleep.  
  
The next morning was fresh and slightly chilly. whatever sunlight the clouds could let through, poured in through the window and onto Selphies face. She decided to wear something different than the dress.  
"Dresh jussabit junile.." she muttered, holding her hairbrush with her teeth as the tied up her hair into a ponytail.   
She picked out a dark and shortish denim skirt with a feminine but-not-too-strict white shirt. It had two pockets on the chest, silver buttons and short sleeves. It looked quite nice untucked really..... She stood up and twirled in the mirror after pulling on a pair of dressy black highheels.  
"How could i forget i owned these?" she wondered aloud. She was struck suddenly to search for another stack of unknown clothes. After about 20 minuets Selphie was amazed by the selection. She had also unhearthed a short forest green shirt, like her blouse, that would go %100 with her denim skirt and a black skirt she had found. She also found a couple of nice dresses (white and short with a halter neck, Blue, long, strapless, a slit up the leg, black, short, thin straps.), a nicepair of pants (gold, stretch satin), a white boob tube and black knee hi boots.   
"wow..."  
  
Selphie had decided to wear the green shirt over the black dress and the black boots {Hell. all the other girls dress like this....}and had tied her hair into a knot behind her head. She was equipped with her bag, with Festival Commitee Papers and a pencil case. She walked into the library and walked past the front desk. "Hi Jason."   
The boy, Jason, at the desk stared for a few moments before recognising her.  
" Oh... Hi Selphie..." he said a little flustered.  
Selphie picked a desk near the window in the study section and pulled out her small, neat notebook with a picture of a Nunchaku on it and began to write notes on the festivals.  
  
"Tickets... 20 gil.....no.. 15.... umm... black..... silver ink? yes..."  
she talked to her self as she wrote down several ideas and decisions.  
"Balloons.... Refreshments....music...... lights.... bubble machine?"  
There was a girly voice behind her.   
"Excuse me Mam..... Have you seen Z-Zell Dincht?   
I have a book for him on Kaioken fighting techniques"  
The girl sounded really shy.  
Selphie spun the chair around (it was one of those kewl office ones).  
"Huh? Amber?"  
"SELPHIE?? argh. Have you seen Zell or not? I want to give him this book!"  
Amber lost her polite tone immediately.  
Amber really annoyed Selphie sometimes because she thought that she was Zell's girlfriend when Zell actually just liked her, and that made her better than his friends.  
"He's fighting in the desert Amber. I hope that book isn't too expensive... because I bought it for him for his last birthday. Y'know. A few weeks ago?" Selphie told her.  
Amber paused for a second.   
"well.... i also bought this a book on the rare Kamesennin Martial arts!" she boasted.  
"I hope you like fighting cause Rinoa and Quistis bought him that."  
Amber looked a bit sad and Selphie felt sorry for her.  
"well.um...never mind... i'll just be going...."  
Amber walked away quickly.  
"well.. It's a pity.. I bet she's really nice too......" said Selphie, going back to work on designing the posters.  
  
At lunch, Selphie sat alone at a table, staring into space and eating a salad.  
{..............zell......................................zell..................................zell..........................}  
She threw the container and plastic fork into a bin and rested her chin on her hand.  
"When are you coming home?"  
  
  
TBC....  
I dont know how many people actually will bother readin this and only one person has reviewed as i write this chapter (Thank you heartovalion!) so i'll ask for four reviews. Is that fair? I'll count it if you review twice, in other words i'll write for one person if i need to. luv - Leitha .   
  
By the way i have a split family so often i'll only b able to post on the weekends because i only got the net at my dads! plz don't lose faith in me... :) 


	3. squalls pov

Squall leant back against the seat of the train. He remembered the countless journeys on trains. This was the first time he had ever minded that the comparment wasn't full. He smiles halfheartedly at all the memories of a few of the going on's that had happened on a couple of his more interesting train rides. Like...... Irvine confessing his love for Selphie who shrugged it off, and Zell who practically lives for SeeD privileges , was going psycho and bouncing on the chairs like a maniac, and all he, squall had said was. "I'm, glad your excited."  
"They must have thought i was SUCH a JERK...." he thought aloud.  
{Now look at me.... Alone like i deserve. But.. I'd give anything for them to be here with me...}  
He reached into his shirt and pulled out a little charm on a small chain. The charm was a little SZS with the last S reversed. Selphie had bought one for each of them after Ultamecia (is that right? i haven't passed the game yet.) had been defeated.   
"She knew what she was talking about when she got these...."   
With that Squall Fell asleep.  
  
"The Train to Timber will arrive at the designated destination in five minuets. The Train to Timber will arrive at the designated destination in five minuets.Thankyou." said the speakers on the train.  
Squall awoke with a start.   
His neck hurt from the way he was sleeping.   
Squall stood up and stretched his arms and then fell over as the train jerked to a stop at the Timber station.   
"I deserved that."   
  
Squall wandered bown a beaten track to the timber owls HQ. It had been a while since he'd been here last. He remembered the thrilling ride down the side of a speeding train to enter codes without being seen. He still could feel the wind in his hair..... Squall snapped back into reality... The small Owls building stood infront of him.   
"well. I'm back."  
  
Squall settled pretty easily into his room. It was nice and rustic with a nice bed, fireplace and comfy chairs. The student who showed him to his room spoke up nervously.   
"Um... Commander Leonhart? Y-you have the rest of the day off.."  
Squall smiled. "Thankyou."  
The little boy started to run off.  
"wait.. please call me Squall, i've always hated being called Commander...."  
The little boy smiled and ran off to do whatever it was he had to do.  
Squall sank into one of the armchairs in front of the fire.  
"I bet that Selphie would like it here. And Zell...."  
It started to rain outside and Squall lay on his bed reading a book. (lord of the rings: The fellowship of the ring. by J.R.R Tolkien)  
"I wonder if it's raining in Balamb....." he said absentmindedly flipping through to the chapter A journey in the dark.  
"Hmm... now thats good fighting....Aargh. i should start at the beginning..."  
  
Squall found that later that he had fallen asleep. accurately he found out when he had woken up and it was pitch black. He wearily put the book onto his bedside table. There was a knock at the door. Squall opened it. It was that little kid again..  
"Um, Comm- Squall... Um You have a m-message from Garden.... (squall nods) Y-your freind S-Selphie is ok but she b-broke her wrist. Also d-dinner will be brought to you in f-fifteen minuets."  
Squall nodded again. "Thank you."   
The kid saluted and ran off.  
Squall washed his face and sat in a chair.  
"well... they have nice service around here."  
  
The next morning Squall was up bright 'n' early to train before breakfast. He had a pretty long day ahead of him. At breakfast there were about 30 little kids chattering away.   
Squall ate some toast, looking around at the little kids. {Hey she looks like Quistis....}  
There was one little girl in a down one end of the table with jeans with little pink flowers and a white turtleneck top. She had cute little spectacles and baby blue eyes. Her short blond hair was back in a pony tail. She had eaten her toast and was kicking the table leg with a black boot. An instructor glared at her. "Aurora Trepe! STOP THAT!"   
Squall almost choked on his toast and peanut butter. {Aurora Trepe? Quistis's lost sister!)   
He shoved in the last of his toast and ran to the communications room.  
Squall Grabbed a phone and dialed Garden.  
"Hello, Balamb Garden?"  
  
"Hi Quistis...."  
  
"Squall? How nice of you to call.."  
  
"Very Funny, Quistis I found Aurora!"  
  
"...................."  
  
"Quistis?"  
  
"...................."  
  
"Hello? Fine I'll-"  
  
Quistis hung up.  
  
Squall hung up his phone and sighed.  
"thats what you get for trying ta help....."  
  
  
Half an hour later, Squall had 10 kids standing in front of him. 5 girls and 5 boys.  
"Now. You are all here to learn about fighting. You will all be specialising in something. Correct? (the kids nod nervously.) Hands up..... Rifles? (two kids raised their hands).. Nunchakus? Three. Thats good. Chain whips? (two) Gunblade? (two) Pinwheel thingies? No one? ok.... huh? what is it?" Aurora put up her hand.   
  
"I.... I use my hands."  
  
"Ah combat. Anyway, i would like you all to get into the groups for each weapon. Aurora, i'll go with you." Squall silently thanked Zell for teaching him a few moves.  
  
After a good days training everyone was free to go. Squall went back to his room and switched on a small tv. "Fighting in the desert reaches a new high... Many SeeD's greviously wounded..." Squall didn't want to hear any more. He switched off The T.V and Laughed insanely for a few moments before flopping down on his bed. 


	4. zells pov

The wind lashed visciously over the desert sending gallons of sand whipping into the mountain forest that bordered the wasteland. There, miles up in the mountain an army of nervous SeeDs awaited their enemy. They stood on one side of an enourmous river which was bridged by a rickety swing bridge.  
Everyone found a stone or log to sit on, and huddled in small groups. Zell found two rocks under a tree and sad on one.  
"Damn i'm starved...." he muttered.  
{First they starve us then they drive us to the brink of exaustion.... And i'm cold!}  
Another SeeD tapped him on the shoulder. Zell turned around.  
"D'you mind if i sit here?" He asked, gesturing to the other rock.  
"Nah, go on..."   
The guy sat down and pulled two small parcels out of his jacket.  
He threw one to Zell who looked at it curiously.  
"Sandwiches. The least i can do to thank you. Besides i heard you say you were hungry."  
"T-T-Thanks...." He said through chattering teeth.  
They ate their sandwiches and watched as a box was flung from one side of the river to the other.   
"OK! SEEDS! *WE* HAVE JUST RECIEVED A MESS-AGE!" someone yelled.  
Zell and the other SeeD's turned their heads.  
  
"EVERYBODY! THE ENE-MY *IS* APPRO-CHING! PICK AH VIC-TIM AND *BEGIN*!!!"   
  
Everyone looked around scared. Zell looked down at the river. The banks were sloping mud puddles with rocks protruding out and there was no escape if you fell in. Zell and the friendly Seed found the bridge and held on.  
There was a rumbling in the near distance.  
"I- I wonder what that is... e-ey..." said the SeeD.  
Zell peered around.  
  
"Maybe a flashflood...." he said, scaring himself.  
"by the way... I'm Zell.. Zell Dincht."  
The two shook hands.  
"Good to meet you... I'm"  
Then the enemy was apon them...   
  
Zell was strong enough to beat around five of the enemy with a good Mach Kick or Heel drop but eventually he came to the leader of the pack. After around five minuets it was clearly no walk in the park for either of them. Everyone watched in awe at all the fighting when the figting reached the bridge. Then the rain started. Zell could hardly see, but after a while, and by his opponents weaker shots he knew he had the better vision. There was a crack and Zell ignored it. People were screaming at him to get off the bridge. He realised his enemy had fled.  
  
Before he could act the boards underneath him broke and he fell down, down into the river. He floundered around for a second in the icy torrent, then realised with terror.   
{The Flashflood!}  
He took a deep breath and grabbed a submerged branch.  
  
Zell closed his eyes tight.   
  
He could hear the water roaring around him,  
  
He could feel the water pulling at him with ice cold fingers.  
  
He could hear the SeeD's yelling to him.  
  
He could feel his lungs burning for Oxygen,  
  
Screaming at him to breathe.  
  
He could feel his grip loosening.  
  
He definitely felt the large hunk of wood penetrate his chest.  
  
He couldn't help it.  
  
The pain of the icy water and the fire piercing his body was too much.  
  
He let go of the rope.  
  
And Breathed.  
  
He heard someone call his name as he was rushed down the river,  
  
The water burning his lungs.  
  
The icy water numbed his body and he was floating away.  
  
His life appeared like little movies in his drifting mind.  
  
Through all the images one thing was clear.  
  
{Selphie....}  
  
He didn't know what happened but through the blackness, one last beam of light entered his mind.  
  
He was wedged underneath a log, with little air to breath. The ice water was quickly stripping his will power and his life away from him.  
  
  
"If you can hear me Zell... I love you... I promise..." 


	5. back at garden.

Selphie lay on her bed, smiling at the sky. The last five days hadn't been so bad.. She's made loads of friends and almost finished organising the festival. She'd almost forgotten about her best friends being elsewhere in the world. There was a beep and then a message over the P.A system. It was Quistis:  
  
"Selphie Tilmitt, please proceed to the headmasters office immediately. I repeat, Selphie Tilmitt please proceed to the head masters office immediately. Thankyou..."  
  
Selphie got up and began to walk briskly to the Headmasters.   
"Quistis didn't sound too good. I hope everything is ok...."   
She got in the lift and went up to 3F.  
After barging into the office she realised that not only was Quistis and Headmaster Sid there but also Squall {whats he doing here?} , Rinoa, Xu and Irvine. Quistis was standing next to Xu. They both hung their heads. Rinoa had her arm around Squall who was in his "thinking/sad" pose. Sid was standing with his arms crossed, head hung and Selphie could feel Irvine's eyes on her. She didn't look at him.  
"What...w-whats wrong?" She asked nervously, looking around.  
Quistis reached out with a letter in her slender hand.  
"C-can you read it Quis? I don't like letters..."   
Quistis stood up straight and began.  
  
Dear Headmaster Sid,  
I have the unpleasant task of informing you that one of your SeeD's is in a critical condition after being injured in a flash flood on the way to serve for the SeeD army. The soldier is suffering from Hypothermia, Blood loss, Inhalation of water and chest injuries all of which occurred two days ago. We have been informed that in this case of minimal chance of survival when such a war is on, the only course of action is to send this SeeD, back to your Garden's infirmary. We have a fairly unreliable source of identification though also a rather rare trademark. This Seed had been identified as..."   
  
Quistis paused. Rinoa had burst into tears again and Squall looked pretty close to breaking down himself. Irvine just looked at Selphie closely.  
Quistis was looking right at her.   
" Selphie... It's..."   
Then Selphie realised. {Who's not here?................}  
" ZELL!!??" She screamed hysterically.  
Squall jumped up and held her to stop her from hurting someone accidentally in her confusion.  
" It's ok Selph." Squall almost choked on the words. Like Selphie would believe him...  
  
Sid coughed and spoke sadly. " I have just received notice that Zell is now in the infirmary and we may have one visitor at a time."   
  
They all sat down in the infirmary and Dr. W briefed them on Zell's condition.  
" He has received bad hypothermia. There is risk of pneumonia involved. He inhaled a lot of water. And he has lost a lot of blood through...... A....A... a lump of wood lodged it self into his chest. I-I don't think he'll make it...." She found it hard to talk about Zell like a mere patient or student. Everyone knew him and Loved him in one way or another...  
  
" Ok... Selphie." Said Dr.W  
Selphie got up to find that Squall was following her.  
"I'll be here for you Selph." He said quietly, avoiding her eyes."   
  
Selphie pulled back the curtain and stepped inside. There were beeping machines, and IV drips and wires and cables everywhere. It was all white. Selphie ran over to the bed side, careful not to disturb the machinery. Then she saw Zell.. Lying there.. He looked so young and innocent . His hair was scruffy and his skin was deathly pale and clammy.. His tattoo stood out like a skyscraper in a field of grass and his chest was heavily bandaged. He looked Dead. Tears escaped Selphie's eyes as she grabbed his cold hand and held it to her face.  
"I am so sorry Zell." She whispered.  
  
She looked at Squall who shrugged.  
" I'll... uh... give you a few moments..."  
  
Selphie turned around again and looked at the sleeping face.  
" I don't know if you can here me or not. Wherever you are Zell... But I do know what I owe you a serious apology."  
Selphie carefully stroked his forehead, while tears fell freely from her blue eyes.  
" I... I just want you to know... that... That I don't know why I ran from you... I just didn't realise that I cared for you Until then... And when you kissed me I was so overwhelmed and so happy... But I've never felt this way about anyone before. I didn't know what to do. So I ran.. I never would of if I knew that I might lose you because of it... I guess... what I'm trying to say... is that... If you can hear me Zell... I love you... I promise....."  
  
She picked up his hand and motioned for Squall to come in.   
" Here..." she said, regretfully leaving the cubicle.  
Squall sat down.  
" Hey Zell. I just thought I'd tell you a few things that have been on my mind for a while. Well firstly... thank you for always being there for me man... I appreciate everything you've done for me... and I wish I could repay you... also don't worry about Selph... I'll look after her... Maybe she will love me one day like she loves you. I hate to admit it, but if you leave, it will destroy her Zell. She's crazy about you man.. But I'll always look after her for you."   
  
Squall gasped. Zell's hand had closed tightly around his... and then a sharp pitched continuous sound pierced the air and their hearts. The sound that meant death.. That meant someone had gone to another place. It was the sound of the life support monitor. He was gone....  
  
Tbc...... 


	6. Nightmaring

(i've had to rewrite chapters 6,7 and 8 cause my pc deleted them! sorry for the wait... i was at my mums. song featured: Scared by Ashanti. I don't own ashanti or any of her fab songs ok?! although i modified a few words to fit the song... please don't kill me!)  
  
Selphie sat bolt upright in her bed. It had been three weeks since Zell had died, and been revived again.  
"Why do I keep Nightmaring?" she asked herself, drenched in a cold sweat.  
  
**********************************************************************  
Selphie sat in the caferteria absent mindedly picking at a salad.... The festival dance was on that night and no one had invited her.  
{ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell.....  
ask me to the festival Zell.....  
ask me to the festival Zell.....  
ask me to the festival Zell.....  
ask me to the festival Zell.....  
ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell.....  
ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell.....  
ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell....  
.ask me to the festival Zell.....}  
  
"Selphie.. will you go to the festival with me?" Asked a male voice.  
  
"YES!" Selphie screamed, before wheeling around.  
A familiar cowboy hat flashed infront of her eyes....  
{Oh no....}  
"Thats great! I didn't know you wanted to go sooooo badly with me...."  
Selphie almost died when Irvine kissed her on the cheek.  
{EEEWWWWW.Oh shit...}  
Selphie saw something like Zell's Jacket dissapear out of the caferteria.  
Rinoa and Quistis smiled sympathetically.  
Irvine gave one of smiles which made him look gay, and sauntered off.  
Selphie put her face in her hands.......  
Quistis gently tapped her on the shoulder.....  
"one problem with sitting there sulking... Uh.. Amber!"  
Selphie leapt up in horror and bolted off to the library.  
  
She grabbed a book on Birds and hid behind a shelf, where Zell and Amber where engaged in a conversation where Amber was doing most of the talking. But not before She caught a glimpse of suspicious blue eyes.  
  
"So... Uh... AMber... Wanna.... go to the festival... or... something?" Zell asked, trying to be casual.  
"YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! Oh Zell! I never knew you liked me too!!!!!!!!"  
  
"But...But..."  
  
"I"LL SEEEE YOU THERE! I HAVE TO GET READY!!!!!!!"Amber shrieked, making Zell blush red. She ran full bolt into Selphie, sending her books and papers flying.. She ignored Selphie.  
"HEY! Tch..."  
Selphie knelt down and began to pick up the papers.  
Someone knelt beside her and began picking up papers too.  
"It's ok you don't need to... ZELL?"  
Selphie felt terrible for not recognising him.. Zell looked as bad as Selphie felt. He was ghostly pale, and thin in a bad way.. His hair was dull and wispy and his eyes.........  
Zell ignored her and leaned over to pick up the Bird Book, and selphie got a glimpse of the heavily stiched and plastered wound.  
They stood up and Zell dumped the stuff in her arms.  
They stood there awkwardly for a moment.  
" Im...sorry...." she whispered quietly.  
She caught a glimpse of pain in his eyes as he turned aroundand walked off....  
  
**********************************************************************  
Despite the world, Selphie felt cheerful as she dumped multitudes of makeup onto her bed.  
She slipped into the shower for half and hour, give or take ten minuets.  
"Much Better." She said, after drying and styling her hair into an elegant knot behind her head.  
She applied mascara and some pale blue eyeshadow, and some lipgloss.  
  
{Finally time for my dress......}   
Selphie eyed herself critically in the mirror. Her dress was made from dark blue velvet. It had a low and complimenting neckline , and long, flowing sleeved sleeves. It came to just above her knees, and the left egde trailed down to the tops of her black knee length boots. Finally she sprinkled some body shimmer around her cleavage, and on her cheek bones.  
  
"Tee Hee......."  
She looked at her clock happily.  
"Yikes!!!!! My solo is in ... 15 minuets!!!!"  
**********************************************************************  
  
Selphie dashed backstage. Luckily there were two people to go so she had sometime to prepare herself.. When finally she stepped onto the stage she quickly eyed the crowd. There was Quisty and Nida, watching her eagerly... There was Squall and Rinoa smiling encouragingly and she saw Irvine, winking stupidly at her and Zell... Standing there with Amber... He looked away from Selphie when she caught his gaze.  
  
She stepped up to the mike, adjusted it to her height and nodded to the dj.  
  
"It was late at night when i realised that I missed you,  
Thinking what did I just do,  
Feeling was strong come on,  
and I knew I wanted you,  
Something inside held me back,  
Boy you got me scared of you...."  
  
Everyone was staring, impressed by this hidden talent. Selphie cast a meaningful look in Zell's direction before continuing.  
  
"You got me afraid to let my love go,  
Is it my heart that I should follow?  
Got me afraid to let myself go,  
Boy you got me scared of you......   
  
You got me afraid to let my love go,  
Is it my heart that I should follow?  
Got me afraid to let myself go,  
Boy you got me scared of you......"  
  
She could barely read the look on Zell's face as surprise and she was finding it hard to control her own emotions. She didn't see Irvine trace her glance back to Zell, and stalk away in rage.  
  
"If I let go I know,  
My heart will remain strong,  
Cause you the type that might just give right,  
and make me strong.  
I couldn't just be a girl you're just "seeing" once a month,  
Cause if it goes down,  
Better believe im gone,  
Gonna be your only one,  
Got me afraid to let my heart go..."  
  
Tears welled up in Selphie's eyes. She could see she was making Zell feel bad and that wasn't what she had intended.......  
  
"Y-y ou got me afraid to let my love go,  
Is it my heart that I should follow?  
Got me afraid to let myself go,  
Boy you got me scared of you......   
  
You got me afraid to let my love go,  
Is it my heart that I should follow?  
Got me afraid to let myself go,  
Boy you got me scared of you......"  
  
The tears began to slip from her eyes one by one.  
  
"You got me afraid to let my love go,  
Is it my heart that I should follow?  
Got me afraid to let myself go,  
Boy you got me scared of you......  
  
Should I let it go, should I let it go?  
no no no no no no....  
  
Should I let it go, should I let it go?  
no no no no no no....  
  
Should I let it go.... should I let it go......."  
  
She clicked the mike into the stand and dashed off stage, her hand held to her face.... She didn't even hear the scattered applause from people who weren't shocked by her emotions during the song.   
  
Selphie ran down the endless corridors, tears blinding her as they poured down her face. She couldn't be bothered wiping them away. She knew she was heading roughly in the direction of her dorms. She ran around a corner and found herself In Zell's arms.  
  
Selphie was only too happy for Zell to have his arms wrapped around her snugly while she cried her eyes out. Zell could feel the extreme pain he'd been feeling ever since that night in the training center, just melt away into eternity.....  
  
"I-I'm so...so sorry....... I don't know what happened..... I don't know...." Selphie cried, clinging to Zell's black shirt like there was no tomorrow.  
He sighed and stroked her hair which had fallen down from the knot.  
"It's ok Selphie.... I know... I know how it feels to be scared.... Come on.. I'll walk you back to your room...."   
  
When they finally got to Selphie's room Zell opened the door so Selphie could go in. But instead they just stood in the doorway.  
  
"I can't lie to you.. I don't know what to do..." Selphie told her friend a bit shyly.  
Zell touched her cheek gently.   
"you know what I want.... now do what you want.. Let it all go and trust yourself... Trust me..."  
Selphie thought for a moment and then before she knew it she was caught up in the most amazing kiss she'd ever experience.   
  
Then a light turned on..... 


	7. a few feelings...

Zell and Selphie froze, in each other's arms.  
{They just HAD to check on me...}  
Zell blushed scarlet and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.  
"I'll...uh.... just be going to bed..." he managed to say, before exiting the room.  
Selphie threw her arms up in the air.  
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey! You Guys........ Just when things were getting back on track!" She whined at them.  
"Oh yeah...... things were going REALLY well then?" Rinoa and Quistis smirked, nudging eachother and giggling immaturely.  
  
"Guys...." Selphie pleaded. "Nothing Happened."  
  
'Yeah Selph, you two looked pretty cosy there...-" Rinoa began, but Selphie pushed past her and ran to the training centre. She sat in a corner of the secret area and eventually fell asleep. When she woke up she looked at her watch. it was mignight... Great...... The rest of garden was pitch black and Selphie was glad that the Monsters Away rule was in place as she crept through the traning centre and back to the dorms. Selphie shivered. It was cold... and scary in the dark...  
{why do I have this creepy feeling that something is going to happen???}  
Without another rational thought Selphie bolted to the nearest dorm that belonged to a friend. She picked the lock almost soundlessly with a hair pin went in, locking the door behind her. In the dim light Selphie could see Squall sprawled out, and fast asleep, in boxers.   
Selphie was infinitely tempted go crawl in next to him so she wouldn't feel so alone, but instead curled up on the sofa.  
  
"Selphie?? Selphie? wake up!"   
Selphie woke up to see Squall kneeling next to her.  
"Hey Selph.... what's up, hey? He asked her concernedly.  
Selphie realised she had tears on her cheeks.  
"Something... I don't know..."   
Selphie wiped away a few fresh tears and Squall took her hand.  
"Selph.... Please...." he begged her.  
"I just have a really strong feeling that something bad will happen to someone I love.... It won't go away......" She whimpered.  
Squall sighed and sat next to her, wrapping her up in a tight hug.  
"It's ok Selph.... It's probably nothing ok...."  
Selphie nodded wistfully.  
"I-I should go back to my dorm... b-but i can't sleep.... and I don't want to be alone..."  
Squall went and got some blankets and pillows out of a chest.  
"here, i'll sit up with you ok? you can take my bed and I'll take the couch." he told her.   
Selphie nodded and Squall helped her take off her boots.  
"I almost forgot.. you left some stuff here when you, zell and I watched videos..-" Squall began.  
"And fell asleep on the floor.... and I tipped popcorn on your head." Selphie confessed.  
"THAT WAS YOU??!!" Squall was shocked....  
"yep..." Selphie yawned...  
"here, i'll get your stuff...... Im pretty sure you left your Pj's...."  
Selphie stared at the floor as Squall went and rummaged around in his cupboard.  
After she had got changed into a slightly slinky black nightgown {no wonder i left it here...}, she felt another burst of that dark lonely feeling.  
  
"Squall."  
  
"Hmm.?"  
  
"Stay with me until i fall asleep.... please?"  
  
Squall got up from the couch and sat next to her. "If that's what you want..."  
  
Selphie nodded and curled up in the soft bed.  
  
After around five minuets, no one had said anything. Selphie was aware of Squall lying next to her and stroking her hair.   
{that feels nice......}  
As she feigned dozing off, Selphie curled up closer to her friend and wrapped her arms around him to "see" his reaction. Squall wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly on the forehead. Selphie felt a strange new emotion well up inside her... a while later she fell asleep. When she woke up, the glow in the dark hands on the clock said it was five thirty. Selphie realised with a happy feeling that Squall had fallen asleep in her arms and was still there.   
she reached out and brushed the hair out of his eyes. The gentle action woke him up and for a moment, there was a fusion of blue as they gazed into eachothers eyes.   
  
Then without knowing why Squall leaned over and kissed her passionately. Selphie responded even though the feeling in her head peaked dangerously. It dissapeared... just as Zell walked in... 


End file.
